Self Portrait

My version of me. I used photo reference for my face and hair but was influenced by the painting  underneath....yes, I was covering up an old painting again but I got the inspiration for the shawl wrapped around the shoulders from that painting. I just went with what I saw and this piece came together surprisingly quickly without some the usual pulling out of hair and not knowing what to do. 

 I love to blast loud music when I'm  painting, particularly tribal music, something with lots of drums and primal energy. It keeps me out of my head and painting from the soul, so to speak. I believe I was listening to a collection of didgeridoo music for this one.

The previous painting still shows, and how I was influenced by the stripes of colours to create the wrap. The old painting was actually painted over the previously mentioned "Fear of Flying" piece from my prior post...so there are actually three paintings going on here.

This is about the extent of any mapping out I do for most of my paintings. Sometimes I just slap paint on and see what images emerge and then pull those images out of the mix, but lately I've been trying to at least plan a starting point for my paintings...and then I blast the music.

Spirit Helper

After the mental anguish of my previous series of paintings, I started using some reference for my figures, not to copy them but to use as a starting point for shape and anatomy. So here's what I came up with. I'm still starting my paintings without really knowing how I want them too look, they just emerge as I go and things get changed around a lot sometimes. There's a few areas I would still change or finish off better but I've left it alone for now since I have a tendency go back and make a mess of things, so I'm a little scared to do the touch ups needed. 

The first picture is the finished version so far. I'm rather liking it. It came from a place far away from where I started as can be seen in the photo series below.

I wasn't loving the bear too much, so out it came and was replaced with another...oh how to let go of attachments to certain things, kind of like a life lesson.

This was my starting place which is actually on top of another painting I didn't finish. The small figure in the background is from the old painting. I rather liked it but as you can see he didn't end up in the final painting....letting go of attachments again. I look at this forlorn blue face and wonder what sort of pain is coming out through my painting. When I look at this early version and compare it to the finished one, I rather like this one better for it's raw energy and emotion. It's always a struggle as a painter to know when to stop and how to keep that first magical energy from getting too refined. It's a hard balancing act indeed. 

Awakening

I had been struggling with a painting previous to this one that had to do with flying, I painted most of it and then got caught up in an area I didn't like....I'm sad to say I let my temper get the better of me and I ended up painting over the whole thing...it no longer exists.  

But what does that have to do with this painting? Well, after my attempt to paint the flying theme, I started another painting, not this one even, but now flying turned into a figure entombed underground...yikes...what does this mean? I didn't really like the painting and never finished it to a state where I would want to show but it gave me food for thought about I where I might be subconsciously in my life right now. 

Now I'll get to how this picture relates to it all.  This painting is a continuum of fear of flying to rebirthing (the figure underground) to now emerging into a rich field of life sustaining wheat. I'd describe this painting as a young girl awakening unto herself, the bear being a symbol of coming out of hibernation. My boyfriend finds this piece a bit creepy, at least the girl, who he describes as zombie like. That's okay with me, art is to be interpreted in anyway that the viewer relates to.  I went through a lot of personal angst to get to this painting, it's not my favourite but it represents a great deal to me as to were I might be in my own life at this moment. 

After a bit of thought, I came to conclusion I would add my "entombed figure" painting that I had done previous to the girl in the wheat....I didn't know where to go with this one so I never really finished it....I pretty much got bored with it and just left it. 

So I also added the flying painting that doesn't exist anymore, except in this photo. I think I got mad at it because I wasn't using any reference for the figure and I just couldn't get it right for what I wanted it to look like...urg!  I kind of got lost on this one too. I started using more reference from this point on.